I’m signing off for a bit of a holiday, but leaving you with a portion of a Christmas letter I first wrote two years ago. Unfortunately, it still rings true. I had to change very little of it.
Dear Friends,
We are here to represent our client Nicholas–yes, he has only one name–although some people believing him to be a good man, call him “Saint” or “Santa,” he feels uncomfortable with the title, particularly in an election year, when so many politicians claim sainthood for themselves.
We are petitioning for financial relief for our client in these difficult economic times. Keep in mind that he has already cut expenses to the bone. He has supplemented his meager income (working as a department store photo model) by appearing as a spokesman for many products. Copyright piracy deprives him from payment for the widespread use of his image. In fact, if it were not for milk and cookies left by children, he would be in dire straits.
Just last week, he laid off half his transportation department, keeping only four plus the famous red-nosed reindeer. This provides the ultimate in fuel efficient transportation. Unfortunately, global warming caused the Arctic seas to encroach on his home and workshop at the North Pole. Since he downsized his already tiny workforce, his wife is left to slosh out the water by herself. This causes a dangerous situation, given her obesity, age, and lack of affordable healthcare.
Speaking of workforce, it has been suggested by some that having downsized elves, he had outsourced toy making to leprechauns, trolls and fairies. These rumors have been denied by Dublin, Stockholm and Tinker Bell. Furthermore, after unfortunate incidents of poisoning by toys, Nicholas indefinitely suspended work at his China branch.
As a well-known redistributor of wealth, our client hopes to be considered for a long-awaited position in the administration. Since he adheres to a strictly non-partisan support of anyone who is nice and not naughty, he would also accept a position as an aide to a newly elected Member of Congress. At the very least, he would ask for a government bailout for his unique business, which although small, circles the globe.
We hope you will approve the Santa Claus Bailout and also hope that if you need any bailouts yourself, Santa Claus, or the feds, will remember you.
Wishing you a Happy (even if properous is too much to hope for) New Year.
A Traveler’s Library
Next week I’ll pass on a humorous video for you, but that’s it for this year’s posts. If you need something to read while the library is on vacation, I suggest you pick a part of the world, and see if we have a book to match. Let me know if I’m missing some critical part of the travel world, and I’ll try to remedy the omission.
Photo from Flicker by Funky64 (www.lucarossato.com), an Italian with a definite attitude. See more info by clicking on the picture. You may notice that I changed the title!
Still shopping? See
If you enjoyed the letter about Santa Relief, how about sharing it by clicking on one of the social buttons below?
Thanks for the pre-holiday mirth & enjoy some R’n’R.
Happy Holidays, Vera! Hope you have some time to put your feet up and read a good book~
Vera,
Thanks for this public service. He’s such a stoic old guy who never complains, that I forget he has feelings (and a pocketbook) too. My kids will leave an extra batch of cookies for him this year. To get the bailout, all he has to do is incorporate himself as a bank…that’s all there is to it.
Merry Christmas.
Jason